Alright, so I tried. I joined the Peanut app, I followed Mom groups on Facebook, I joined the Taking Cara Babies fan club, the whole 9 yards and I have no problem saying, it was not my jam. I mean the Taking Cara Babies course was helpful as hell, but the actively participating in the community was just not happening for me. I tried to entertain and join “mom walks” around my community and it just felt like I was pulling my own teeth.
This was all within the first year of motherhood, and then I finally realized I didn’t have to do any of that. I feel like new moms are fed this narrative of “you have to surround yourself with other people like you” and I do agree and think that can be helpful to some, but I also think it’s okay to not want to do that too. I felt better unfollowing all the mommy social media pages and just doing things my own way. If I had a question or was worried about something we were doing, you know who I asked? My friends and family who have kids and who have been there. You know who else? My pediatrician (who is amazing and is always just a text away). I feel like with the mom groups and pages it was just causing me so much anxiety and extra stress feeling like if I wasn’t “keeping up” then I was failing.
I 100000% believe that, ESPECIALLY AS A NEW MOM, you need support and you need connection, so if you don’t already have that from the people around you- then I’ll be the first to say participate in a mommy group, you need the support and understanding from people who are also losing their minds as new moms LOL. But I just want to normalize that not wanting to join groups is also normal and it is not a requirement for being a “good mom.”
Also- I don’t consider hanging out with friends who also have kids to be a “mom group.” Just want to clarify that I’m strictly speaking about putting yourself out there to meet “mom friends” whom you’ve never met before but are now being sold that you’ve got to meet up because the one thing you have in common is being a mom/new mom.
Everyone has a right to do what feels good to them and for them. And just for me, the mom group thing was not my cup of tea.