I’m not going to lie, I’m probably like the worst when it comes to setting boundaries for myself- especially when that involves dealing with other people. I’m SUCH a people pleaser and causing a conflict in anyway is seriously one of my least favorite things- so much so, that I’ve been known to take on too much or go too far out of my way to make things easier for others even if that means making things harder on myself.
I recently really started making it a point to check in with myself and make sure I’m setting not only good boundaries for myself, but for my family as well. These are the reminders I’ve set for myself.
+ No is a complete sentence// && it’s okay to say no! In the past, I’ve always felt like I HAD to go to something (even if I didn’t want too) unless I had a really good excuse for missing. Now, I’m getting more comfortable with saying no to things I don’t want to do and am constantly reminding myself that that’s enough- no elaborate reason or excuse is needed.
+ Not everything has to be automatic // There’s a Miranda Lambert song called Automatic and I absolutely love it. There’s a lyric :
If you had something to say
You’d write it on a piece of paper
Then you put a stamp on it
And they’d get it three days later
I’m such a get s*&^ done person, that I tend to put pressure on myself to finish things or organize things ASAP. Being a mother has really helped me chill in this aspect, because there’s been days where folded laundry has sat on our couch for days. But I’m learning that not everything has to be done right away or completed in 2.3 seconds after having started (say, automatically). Texting is a big one for me in this sense, I rarely text back right away anymore- just because I’m usually doing at least 2 other things that require more attention than texting someone back. I’ve got some great friends that just know that’s how it is and we usually always laugh about it when I inevitably text back 2 days later.
+ Get alone time (& don’t feel guilty over it) // I’m going to be honest- this is the toughest thing for me. Anytime I’m not physically taking care of Avery, it feels like I should be and immediately makes me feel guilty. I’m trying to get better at realizing that me getting time alone to workout, get my nails done, etc is beneficial to everyone and that my happiness and time to reset makes me a better mother and wife in the end.
+ Communicate // If there’s something that feels like it’s too much or is causing a lot of added stress, speak up- to whomever you can about it, friends if you need to vent, your partner if you need some support, your mom, anyone that will listen. Talking about it, even jokingly usually helps lighten the mood. And it always helps to know you’re not alone!
+ Plan Accordingly // I’m a text book over-planner, when it comes to literally anything. My day planner is filled with notes and details for basically every event we have planned. Planning and scheduling things definitely helps me keep my life organized and also helps with boundary setting. If I’ve intended to do something by or on a certain day- I won’t let random things come up that distract from what I originally had planned.
What are your biggest tips when it comes to setting boundaries?