So I saw a meme today on IG and instantly laughed and then thought holy cow, why is this so relatable. It said something to the notion of “The quarantine state of mind is having 3-4 solid days of keeping to a schedule and kicking ass and then the other days are just an unexpected dip into the unknown.” 

Seriously, have truer words ever been spoken?

It’s been a little over a month of staying at home (for me) and honestly up until last week, I very strictly kept to all the schedules and “keep busy” ideas that I’d shared with you back when this all started.  Then last week I just hit a metaphorical wall. The thought of doing another at home workout literally made me want to punch a wall and my knees were starting to hurt from so many outdoor runs. So I decided screw it, I’ll take a week off and see how I feel next week. Well next week is here, and I’ll admit I’m more than ready to start running again, although I know my body can’t handle 5 days a week of hard running without a break.  And to be honest, working out on my yoga mat is just starting to feel like a waste of time that makes me resent working out more than actually enjoying it. 

My kitchen, bedroom, living room, bathroom, closet, every inch of our home is probably the most clean and organized it’s ever been. And I mean EVERY. INCH. OF. IT. I’ve cleaned out the entire fridge, took cups, mugs, and plates out of cabinets to clean the cabinets and shelves, everything has been cleaned, vacuumed, organized, and color coordinated. I wish I could find another space to clean in this place.

I took a couple days off my Rosetta Stone Spanish classes because I found myself just going through the motions, rushing to get through the sections, and not actively learning like I was when I first started the program. I knew I needed to hit reset if I was going to continue to seriously learn the way I wanted too. 

I’ve read more than the my fair share of books during this time, having finished 4 books and just started my 5th since quarantine began. Which is more than I think I’ve ever read in this short amount of time in my lifetime. 

Everyday I know I am doing a lot of things, I know I’m not sitting on the couch or letting myself stare at my phone 24/7 and yet I still find myself feeling uneasy and just stuck. 

And here’s why. 

I’m one of those people who genuinely like working. I love and look forward to going to work, interacting with patients and coworkers, and feeling good about myself at the end of the day knowing I’ve spent the entire day being productive (even if somedays that meant running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off). And that’s what I’m struggling with the most at the moment.

I don’t feel as productive as I usually am. If you’ve read any of my pre-quarantine posts, my work days were typically 10-12 hour days followed by pushing myself to workout once I’d gotten home, and then after showering, the time of relaxation would begin by popping open a bottle of sparkling water, cooking dinner, and winding down with a book, face mask, tv show, and/or movie with my husband.

Productivity for me is at an all time low.

My productivity levels have changed and that is something that’s been hard for me mentally because I can’t do anything about it as our world continues to be on hold. 

And try as I may (and will continue to do), reading hundreds of books, working out daily, watching countless documentaries, learning new recipes, and even learning a new language isn’t leaving me feeling half as productive as I used to feel. 

Is anyone else feeling the same way? 

I guess this is why I was never any good at meditating, just the idea of stagnantly sitting around was never something I could get into, even though I know it’s one of those things that is super good for you- trust me, I wish I could do it. 

I hope you’re all hanging in there and just as I’m telling myself, this will all pass eventually and we just need to be patient with ourselves and do our best day to day. It’s okay to take a day (or a week) off and let yourself reset. We don’t have to have the most productive days of our lives. Maybe that’s something we should all take away from this time (especially people like me who are struggling with productivity), we’re allowed to stay home, relax, and just give ourselves a break; even more so when we don’t necessarily want it.