What I’ve learned about relationships- 6 years in.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday my friends! 

Today isn’t just the big game, today happens to be mine & Joey’s 6 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! And more than that, it was 1 year ago today that Joey PROPOSED!!! 

WE’VE OFFICIALLY BEEN ENGAGED FOR A YEAR! Holy cow, time has just flown by. And insanely fast too, its been NUTS! So in lieu of that, if you’re new here- or just missed the update, here’s the proposal video again! (I’ve watched this countless times and cry every time, it’s my favorite video of all time.) 

So here we are, 6 years in with FOREVER to go! What an amazingly, big, beautiful thing to have! I’m so so so blessed and excited for this journey. Within these 6 years, I like to think I’ve learned a lot about what it means to have a successful relationship so as I reflect, I’m sharing with you some things I’ve learned over the years!

  • BE WITH SOMEONE WHO’S A GOOD TEAMMATE: Maybe it’s because I was raised around soccer, but the most successful teams are the ones who actually like each other and will put in the work to help the team as a whole out, not just work for themselves. I think of my relationship as a team. What can I do that will make work/the day easier for my teammate- who will then be able to do the same for me in return? No-one likes to feel like it’s them against the world and when you’re in a relationship (or even with your closest friends) each person should be able to lean on the other. 

 

  • HAVE SIMILAR INTERESTS/TAKE INTEREST IN EACH OTHERS’ INTERESTS:(sorry for that tongue twister!)  I feel pretty lucky that Joey and I have pretty similar interests. We both like going to sporting events, watching them on tv, going out and physical playing sports- all things competition and game related basically. So we love doing those things together and getting our friends involved as well! We like comedies and the same shows (cue The Office theme song), with the exception of the girly ones (like my FAV Gossip Girl, but I mean, I’m not really trying to watch those types of shows with my fiancé anyways, so I’ll let that one slide). Now when you don’t have similar interests automatically, I do believe you should compromise. I do this ALL THE TIME! Joey LOVES war/gun/violent/army/scary/horror movies and I LOATHE them. But guess who inadvertently watches every. single. one. *raises both hands up in the air* If watching a movie with my eyes closed the whole time will make my man happy, then I’ll do it. It’s certainly not my favorite, but it’s a compromise. And afterwards, guess who will go get me coffee, buy me a new book, or just watch a show I want to watch that he might not be thrilled about. Yup. He’ll do it for me because we like to keep things even. i.e.-this is exactly how we started watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. My girlfriend watched it, loved it, and made me want to watch it. After watching some sort of scary movie that I have blocked out of my mind, we started watching the series and GUESS WHAT?!?! We both absolutely love the show now!

 

  • BE ABLE TO OPENLY COMMUNICATE: I believe you have to be able to be open with what you want in a relationship and be able to always communicate honestly with your partner. If you can’t and if you feel like you’re always “hiding” something from the other person, you’re not really building a relationship on trust & in my opinion, that’s never a good thing.

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  • NEVER SETTLE: (and not just in relationships either) If you’re unhappy about a relationship or situation, do whatever you can to change it. It might be scary but it will always be worth it. If that means speaking up about something, so be it- if you’re with someone who respects you and cares about you, they’ll listen-even if it’s something they might not want to hear. 

 

  • BE WITH SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU HAPPY: No brainer, right? But sometimes this isn’t always easy for people. I have girlfriends who’ve stayed in a relationship because they’d been with that person for X number of years and felt like they shouldn’t throw that all away. You know what I say to that? Screw that. No amount of time should ever make you feel trapped to stay with someone who doesn’t make you happy. Maybe you’ve been with someone for 10 years and maybe the first 7 were solid gold but the last three have been a roller-coaster that have you feeling like this isn’t how you were meant to live your life- if you’re feeling that way, you should absolutely leave that space and find the person you were actually meant to be with (I’m a big believer in soul-mates and will absolutely write a post about why soon!)

 

  • BE WITH SOMEONE WHO YOU GENUINELY WANT TO MAKE HAPPY: This goes both ways. I don’t think a relationship should be one sided. Yes, that person should want to spend every single second wanting to make you happy, but I believe you should also feel that way right back. I love doing things that make Joey happy, I’ll go on 100 mile bike rides with the man in the freezing cold (hello, flu of 2018) because that’s what I know he likes to do on the weekends, even if I’ve had a hell of a week and want nothing more than to lay in bed and watch Netflix all day.  I want to make him happy and making him happy, makes me HAPPIER than ever. My relationship is something I hold very dear because I know I have this with Joey, and am pretty constantly reminded of it- i.e. every time we walk through the gates of Disneyland! 🙂 Joey likes Disneyland because I like Disneyland. Sure, he’d WAY WAY WAYYY rather go to Six Flags and ride the worlds fastest roller-coasters but he buys the Disneyland annual passports for us because he knows I might actually cry if we ever lose them and he doesn’t want that, I mean is that #goals or what?!

 

  • YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULDN’T FEEL LIKE WORK: Your relationship should be your safe haven & space of comfort. I love coming home from work and being able to see Joey again. Coming home and being able to watch tv and cook dinner together is a time of relaxation that allows me to reset for the next day. I could not imagine coming home after a long day of work and then feeling like I’m back at work trying to make my partner happy.

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  • YOUR PARTNER SHOULD BE YOUR BEST FRIEND: 1000000%%% I whole-heartedly believe this. They should be the first person you want to tell good news too (except when it’s about your wedding dress, which btw I’m having the HARDEST time not spilling all the details about it to Joey just because I’m SO used to sharing exciting, happy things in my life with him, it feels weird keeping this one a secret!). With the good, there’s the bad too. You should feel comfortable sharing pain and hard times with your partner, just as you would with a family member or best friend. If you’re afraid to show them your ugly cry or when you have a mental breakdown, imagine all the built up stress and pain that’s sure to accumulate over the years as you hide from them. I truly believe that your partner should be your absolute best friend. Which kinda seems like, duh. But sometimes I feel like people believe their lives should a be a perfect picture and that they should keep up this charade when they’re dating someone- which is normal and okay for the first couple months maybe, but after that your partner should be your best friend- which means they know everything about you and have seen you at your lowest lows (puking over the toilet with the flu) and highest highs (all dolled up graduating college, standing in your best friend’s wedding, etc) you should be able to share everything with that person. I’m the first person to admit that for probably the first 3 months of dating Joey, I literally put makeup on TO GO TO SLEEP when Joey was sleeping over at my apartment/vice versa. I wanted to wake up looking perfect and god forbid he see me without makeup on! Let’s just say that is a thing of the past, and thank goodness. I could not imagine going to bed without washing my face anymore! 

I’m so so so blessed and happy to have the relationship I have with my absolute dream come true of a partner. And I want everyone I know to have this same relationship with the people they love! I’m not sure what marriage is like (just yet 🙂 ) but I can only imagine that it gets better and better! 

Happy Sunday friends!

xoxo,

Amanda 

9 comments

  1. I agree with what you said. It doesn’t make sense to try to hold on to a bad relationship, and yes, a relationship should not feel like work. If it feels like work, the 2 people in it aren’t right for each other, but they’ve probably already settled. Your partner needs to be your best friend and your confidante. If you feel that you have to “try to make things work”, you’re already doing something wrong because you’re wasting time being with the wrong person when you should just move on. I understand it might be comfortable being with someone you’ve been with for a while, but if you’re not happy with that person, and if you’re not excited about them coming home after a long day, you need to realise that you’re just delaying the inevitable.

    You’re right with everything! I’m 37, and my husband and I have been together for 19 years, married for 14 years… and we love each other more every day. We’re in love, and we’re best friends. My husband is also the only person who sees me without makeup on!

    Unfortunately, not many people are in this kind of relationship. But it’s clear that you and Joey are one of the few truly happy couples out there. This is wonderful, and I wish you guys only the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I cannot believe it has already been a whole year since the proposal. Feels like I just read about it yesterday!!! You two have such an amazing relationship & everything you said here is so true & real for others to have the same. ❤ I so much agree about leaving when you feel you should no matter how long you've been together– I know too many women staying because they feel "trapped" when no one ever should. I believe in soul mates all the way, too! Looking forward to reading your post on that. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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