Okay I shared a little text chain between on of my best friends and I earlier this week (screenshot above) and the response was actually quite shocking!

I was getting ready to go to war with some of yall but to my surprise 90% of you (who DM’d me anyway) felt the same exact way!

I’ve written about my feelings about mom groups before, when I had my first child, because I debated joining a few. I’m linking the post here if you want to read it. I feel the same way today, although I think my thoughts have grown on the matter. So I’m going to expand on my thoughts here.

First of all, as human beings, we need connection. There are actual studies you can look up and stats about how much connection means to us and how we struggle without it. So I want to say, if joining a mommy group is your only way of meeting new people or having connections other than with your spouse or child, then 1000% join the group. I believe having connection/community is more important than anything. So if you’re in the military or move around a lot and have kids and your only way to talk to people around you is because of a mommy group. Join it! I’m lucky in that I have people around me who have been mothers much longer than I have and women who are also at the same stage of motherhood as I am, so I naturally (luckily) have just been given those connections without having to actively find them- i.e. by joining a mom group.

That being said, I personally will never ever join a “mommy group”. And here’s why.

To begin with, and I’m just being honest here, I hate a comparison game. And whether it’s intentional or not, mom groups are the Olympic hub of comparison games. I’ll tell you up and down I think my kids are brilliant and the smartest, most amazing kids on the planet. But guess what, every parent feels that way. And I’m truly happy for all of us. But because of that, I feel like every parent tries to one up the other. Oh, your kid isn’t walking yet? Oh you don’t breastfeed? Oh your kid is in daycare? I have little Johnny signed up for 20 different activities, yours isn’t signed up yet?

I think it’s all BS quite honestly and has nothing to do with the child, but rather makes the parent feel better in some way, shape, or form. Do you really think any of that is going to matter when the kid is a grown adult? Like no, so blabbing on and on about it just seems pointless to me.

I also like to think of myself as a girls girl, a mom’s mom. Whatever keeps YOU happy and as long as your child is thriving, like do what you need to do. Trust me when I say, I’m not comparing my kids to yours at any point over anything. I’m glad to report that majority of you who reached out to me, shared the exact same sentiments. Which is really eye opening because if we all feel this way as mothers, why is it happening?

And I just mean in the general sense, like of course if someone is asking for advice or reaching out like my kid is doing this, did you have this issue? Like that’s different. And that’s what community is all about. I’m happy and proud to say we’ve built a little community like that! I love chatting with people about kids and how we’re surviving motherhood and connecting over things. Like that kind of kid/mom stuff, we can chat about all day!!

But if you want to meet at the park and the only topic of conversation is your kids sleep schedule? I’d rather watch paint dry.

What I love and cherish about my friendships with other moms, is when we can talk and joke about things going on in OUR lives. And of course majority of the time that involves what we’re doing with our kids, but it doesn’t always have to be ABOUT the kids. If that makes sense?

Like I couldn’t care less about what your kid ate for lunch. Literal snooze fest. But if you want to vent about how you had a long day at work and then you picked up your kids and they threw a tantrum and you feel like you’re failing?! Please shoot me that text! I’ll be the first to tell you YOU’RE KILLING IT. And to be totally honest, I’m more interested in what you ate for lunch or what kind of coffee you had that you loved more than anything related to your child. So let’s talk about that right? Fighting about who packs a better lunch for a 2 year old is just not my idea of a good time.

I just feel like the whole “mom group” thing probably started from a good place, and that place being one where mothers could get together and relate to one another and support one another and maybe also give each other a little break while the little ones entertain each other. Somewhere along the way, and I’m hearing this from others who have joined and left said groups, because again, I’ve never been in a mommy group myself- but somewhere along the way, it became a competition and a negative, toxic environment for women. And that sort of thing I just can’t and don’t understand, nor will I subscribe to it.

I guess overall, what I’m more interested in talking about is how we’re surviving and the things we’re doing within motherhood. Because to me, I’ve always tried and aimed to keep MYSELF and not lose myself to motherhood. We’re humans too and at least in my opinion, my motherhood experience is just as important as my child’s childhood experience.

But to wrap this all up, basically, I want to live in world or be part of a group where we lift each other up and cheer each other on, especially when it comes to motherhood! And at the same time, I want to be a champion for MOTHERS and support and fuel us as women, which to me means having the ability and freedom to do what makes YOU happy as well as making your kids and family happy. ( I also happen to think this is where all the comparison and negativity between women/mothers stems from btw, I think the need to over-analyze and brag about your child is really a reflection of you needing attention or praise or the need to feel superior to others in motherhood because maybe you aren’t getting it anywhere else? Anyways, that’s a whole other conversation we could get into LOL).

I also want to mention- I LOVE my mom friends that I’ve met throughout extra curricular activities and my kids schools. Like hands down the best people, some I don’t relate to for reasons similar to what I’m talking about here (lol), but the ones I’ve bonded with, we literally text daily and mainly complain about school things we have to do at the last minute lol. Don’t you hate when all of the sudden it’s a spirit day at school and they send the email the night before?! I appreciate organic relationships I guess, rather than forcing something just because two people happen to be moms?

Anyways, I just want to give a little shout out to my mommy corner of the world and say thank you for being a part of my little community! What are your thoughts? Do you want to expand on anything I’ve shared?

Let me know! Or lets continue the conversation in my DMs! Happy Friday!

IG: @withamandafranco