I’ve always been one to keep a tight knit group of friends. Call me anti-social, but I’ve truly always preferred having a good handful of friends over more than I can count.

That being said, I think as we get older, we naturally seem to drift apart from others and I think that’s totally fine and not something to feel guilty about of obsess over. And it took some time for me to come to that realization, trust me. I used to feel so terrible over lost friendships and friendships that I just kinda let go of, but never felt bad about.

I think some people tend to take advantage of people and in friendships start to take more than they give. I’ve had a few relationships over the years that really just turned into work for me rather than anything that sparked joy or happiness. And I found myself in positions where I thought I had to keep doing all this work just because I’d known the person for 5, 10, 15 years, etc.

So if you’re reading this and are finding yourself at a similar crossroads in your friendships/relationships, know this -you don’t owe anyone anything. If someone consistently tends to bring you down or bring toxicity into your life, you don’t have to continue putting your energy into them. I’ve been the “fixer” wayyyy too many times than I can count and it took me awhile to really be like what the hell am I doing?! I jump through hoops for people and get people out of situations that I would never even consider having someone do for me (I also don’t tend to put myself in said positions either, but that’s a whole other conversation). And maybe that’s tough love, but I truly believe you are who you hang around and that you should be around people who consistently cheer you on and lift you up. AND more importantly, you should also be willing to do the same for those people.

Two of my resolutions for this year (2023) is to be more present and less wasteful, and as I was reading through my list of resolutions last night- I realized, both of these can be applied to just about anything. And on the topic of friendships, I have started to make sure that I am more present with my chosen circle and the people I truly love and care about. I’ve made it a point this year to check in more regularly with friends, especially those I don’t get to see because they live far away and I’ve made it a priority to also be less wasteful with my time and when it comes to friends- that means not forcing myself to attend events that I don’t actually want to be at (which I am very guilty of doing for the majority of my life because at my core I am a people pleaser).

So if you’re like me, here are some things that helped me redefine/prioritize my friendships!

+ Quality over Quantity : this is something I’ve felt strongly about probably since I was like 12 and believe it to this day. I think building strong, true friendships over having tons of friends who virtually know nothing about you is really important. I think this is what I struggled with the most in high school and going into college, but then you get to point where it just clicks. I think as you get older, you naturally just grow with people you’re meant to grow with and the others just tend to fade away (which is okay!!)

+ Stress Less : if keeping up with too many people stresses you out, narrow down who makes you feel the best and continue to keep up with them. Do any relationships feel forced? Feel like work? Who do you trust? Who can you be your real self with, without feeling like your putting on a show? True friendships shouldn’t stress you out.

+ Big Moments : who do you look forward to sharing your big moments with? And are those same people the ones who will celebrate with you or find a way to make it about them? That’s a big red flag for me! There’s no room for competition or jealousy in the good, real friendships.

+ Honesty : who are the people who you can have an honest conversation with, even if its a hard one? I think that’s a topic that can quickly narrow down who’s really into your corner.

Well there you have it! Are you going through a weird friend stage in your life? I’m happy to be years out from mine but thought it was an interesting topic to reflect back on. Also, I think being a Mother has a funny way of changing basically every priority in your life, so revisiting the topic as a Mother gave me a new perspective, for sure and I’m happy to report that these things still ring true in motherhood and may even be more important in this stage of life.