Musings from 1 month Postpartum

**All thoughts are related to me & what I experienced- not in relation to baby at all. She is perfect and I would do it all and go through it all again and again and again. Just sharing my honest thoughts because I think transparency is important.

+ Still in complete shock and awe that we made this precious human being and that she’s ours.

+ How has it already been a full month?!?! Time is already flying by.

+ Sleep deprivation is real people. Real, REAL.

+ Those first 2 weeks, DAMN. I’ve started to refer to those 2 weeks as the weeks from hell. Pain as my body was healing and gluing itself back together (what almost felt like literally), the sleep deprivation, nipple pain, hormonal rollercoaster, and psychotic obsession with making sure my baby was breathing AT. ALL. TIMES.

+ Trying to avoid coughing and sneezing at all costs, because ouch.

+ Going to the bathroom still takes a little longer than normal. Thankfully at week 3, the entire bathroom routine is no longer necessary, we’ve moved on from ice packs, dermoplast, and witch hazel pads but sticking with the peri bottle, adult diapers, and maxi pads (as needed with bleeding).

+ Cramping as my uterus shrinks is worse than period cramping.

+ Trying my hardest to flex my abs and literally can’t tell if I’m doing it or not.

+ Lost 20 lbs within the first 3 days postpartum (I gained a total of 32 lbs throughout pregnancy).

+ Oh, that stain on my shirt? That’s either spit up, breastmilk, or some residue from the lunch I ate with one hand while breastfeeding. I also can’t be sure whether it’s new or has been there for the past 3 days.

+ My boobs are SORE. AS. HELL. (And also gigantic and I’m not a fan).

+ I CAN SHAVE MY LEGS AND SEE MY FEET IN THEIR ENTIRETY. #tinywins

+ So my pre-pregnancy tops fit me again, that’s awesome. My jeans? Yea, we’re not there yet.

+ I thought pregnancy hormones were bad and unpredictable, this postpartum shit is no joke.

+ Why am I crying? No, seriously.

+ Wanting baby to get her naps in, but also want to wake her up constantly because I miss her and want to hold her.

+ Getting out in the sunshine, even if only for a 20 minute walk, is life changing.

+ Adjusting to this new role and new life isn’t as easy as I expected. It’s shocking how fast things change. Losing all control of your life is not an easy adjustment. Looking back I thought I already conquered the aspect of “letting go” while pregnant- oh no, no, no, once the baby is actually here, that’s when ALL control is relinquished. I’m now at the beck and call of this tiny baby and have to have the ability to breastfeed on demand, change a diaper at a moment’s notice, ensure baby is comfortable, etc. This makes wanting to leave the house pretty difficult, what if I don’t want to breastfeed on a park bench or in the back of the car? Trust me, I wouldn’t change it for the world, but there’s definitely an adjustment period.

+ I honestly didn’t expect the laundry to pile up the way that it has. I mean, how does this 7 lb baby go through so many outfits in one day?!?

+ Everyday, things get better and better- at least in the mentality department for me. I know not to expect consistency (in any form) and to just soak up each moment (even the colicky ones), because my precious girl will never be as small as she is today.

+ I cannot wait to be cleared to start working out again.

+ Once again, my husband is my hero and has carried both baby and I through this first month. He’s held us both as we’ve cried, changed nearly every diaper for the first 2 weeks because my body was too weak to do much of anything except be a breastfeeding machine, cooked every meal as I healed and laid on the couch, and made sure I had at least 10 minutes every night to take a warm shower (which always left me feeling like I could conquer the no sleep night ahead of me).

2 comments

  1. Aah I can’t believe I missed this! Such a precious time. I had our 2 month old grandson stay over and I was legitimately wrecked by 2pm the next day. Sleep deprivation is so tough. You’re doing amazing. Conrats!

    Liked by 1 person

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