Let me preface this post by saying this is an opinion piece. And this is my opinion. I do not judge or hold any grudges against anyone who may think differently on the topic than I do.

If you take a quick gander at my wedding tab on the blog, you’ll see that most of my posts begin with and reiterate over and over that the day is about the bride and groom and the bride (mainly, if I’m being honest) should have the day of her dreams and everything the exact way she wants it. So keep that in mind as you read the rest of this post lol.

I’ve been in every position imaginable as it relates to this topic- I’ve been the bride planning a wedding and curating a guest list, I’ve been a guest invited to no kid weddings and kid allowed weddings (as a childless woman), and I’ve been a guest invited to no kid weddings and kid allowed weddings as a mother. I don’t think I’m speaking out of pocket on this topic to say the least.

So here it is- unless you’re throwing a wedding in an inappropriate venue (like a strip club) or you are having inappropriate entertainment at your wedding (like strippers ?), I honestly don’t understand why allowing people to bring their children to the event is a big deal. You’re inviting the people you love the most to your wedding, and if you love someone, wouldn’t that mean that you also love their kids and that their kids are also just as important to you?

I’ve always felt this way. I felt the same way before ever having kids, while creating my own guest list to our wedding. You spend so much time carefully choosing who you want to spend your big day with and when you send out an invitation, you’re literally saying- you are so important to me, I cannot imagine this day without you. So to me, like if these people are that important to you, I think it’s actually fucked up to say, yeah you might be, but not your kids.

When your planning your wedding, the guest list is literally so stressful because it is so important and carefully chosen. So to me, not thinking of someone’s kids is kinda a big deal to me. Like for +1s, hardly anyone allows +1s and honestly why would you? Why would you want a stranger at your wedding and why would you pay $50+ for a stranger to come to your wedding? But if you’re inviting someone then chances are you obviously know whether or not they have kids.

As a bride, yes, of course I allowed kids at our wedding and I didn’t even have flower girls or a ring bearer. That was a specific choice I obviously made. But not to allow people I love to bring their family? That wasn’t ever a thought that occurred to me. I’m a very sentimental person and we did carefully choose our guest list and obviously if we were inviting someone, it meant they meant a lot to us and in turn, of course their kids did! One of our very close friends and his wife showed up with their 4 week old baby to our wedding!

In being transparent, we only had 1 conflict when it came to kids and our wedding and we did not say that the kids could not come, we just asked that accommodations be made to help out. So one of Joey’s best men (he had 2) and one of my bridesmaids are married and at the time of our wedding had two kids- I think 4 and 5 at the time of our wedding. Because both parents were in our wedding and had responsibilities in helping prepare for the big day, we asked if grandparents could also come to the wedding and take care of the kids until their parents were done standing at the altar and done doing all the wedding things with us (photos, speeches, etc). In the end, the parents ended up choosing on their own to leave their kids at their grandparent’s house rather than having them come to the wedding. But we 10000% left that decision completely up to them. And we all had a nice and open conversation about it, they’re two of our best friends so obviously there wasn’t any awkwardness. We all knew that as a best man, he was going to be with the guys all morning prepping and she, as a bridesmaid, was going to be in the bridal suite with me all morning getting ready as well and there just wasn’t room for two young kids to be in those environments. But we were ready to include grandparents who could bring the kids on time for the wedding.

So this brings me to my next point- in my opinion, I think you should leave it up to the parents on whether or not they want to bring their kids or if they’d like a date night out. I hate seeing this on the rsvp cards- “we are not including children at our wedding and would love parents to have a date night out!” I’ll be the first to tell you, maybe some couples love the sound of that, but there is nothing my husband and I love more than being with our kids. So if the choice is go to your wedding without our kids or do something else together as a family with our kids? The decision is always going to be to stay with our kids.

One of my best friends got married a few years ago and she chose to have a destination wedding. Unfortunately, the resort she wanted to get married at was an all-inclusive, adult only resort. She let me know prior to booking it and we had a very real conversation about the whole thing. I am a very instinctual person and when she saw photos of the place, she just knew she had to get married there. I loved and respected her so much for telling me and for having the conversation with me, and I absolutely told her 100000% that her search was over and that everything she was feeling was a sign that that was in fact the place for her to get married. I knew within half a minute of touring our wedding venue that it was the one, so I knew everything she was feeling in her heart and knew that the weight of worrying about me and about other guests with kids, was not worth stressing over for her, she also threw a backyard wedding party when she got back about a month later so that everyone who did not make it for the destination date, still got a chance to celebrate with the newlyweds- and Avery danced the night away that night!

So that kind of thing, I completely understand, and I also think that if you are having a wedding at a resort like that, then a better approach is to say to guests who have kids, unfortunately our venue is an adult only venue and we are unable to include children and completely understand if this means you cannot come. With my girlfriend, she understood that with her wedding, it meant that I would probably not be able to make it. I mean, especially because it was going to be at least a 5 day trip and I was not going to be away from my daughter for 5 days. Not a chance in hell. So I got to be on Facetime while she got ready (she looked beautiful) and I also threw the bachelorette party and used it as an excuse to really go big since I knew I was not going to be at the wedding

But if your venue doesn’t have any rules or regulations? As a guest, I truly don’t see why having kids at your wedding is something to be frowned upon? I’m bringing this topic up because I don’t think it’s talked about enough and we just recently turned down TWO weddings of family members (yes you read that right, family members- don’t get me started on that, because if we’re family, like my kids are your family, so honestly, what the fuck). Like my kids can’t come to your wedding but we can’t wait to see you for Thanksgiving and Christmas! It just seems so fake to me really, but we can get into that on another day LOL.

Anyways, I also thought it was a good idea to talk about just in case anyone out there is planning a wedding and contemplating whether or not you are including kids at your wedding. I think the perspective of a guest is obviously different than the perspective of the bride and groom- so if your guests are anything like me, if you tell them they cannot bring their kids, they’re probably thinking what the fuck how messed up in their heads.

And if you have a specific reason to be worried about kids being there, I think you should bring it up to your guest and address concerns beforehand. If you’re worried about a kid screaming while you’re walking down the aisle, I promise you won’t care or remember it the second the kid stops screaming (if they even do, I’m a big believer of not worrying about the “what ifs”). I’m sure my girlfriend’s newborn baby probably screamed and cried a lot during the night of my wedding, do I remember it? Absolutely not, and you want to know the only reason I remember the newborn was even there? I have a photo strip in my closet of the four of us and he’s strapped in a baby carrier to her chest. Everything that you think could “ruin your big day” looking back, is not going to matter one bit, I promise and also, not to be rude to all those guests you carefully chose to invite to your big day- but you won’t remember or hardly see any of them the day of. You’re having so much fun being with your new husband/wife and celebrating with your wedding party that you won’t even have time to notice whether or not your cousins kid is throwing a tantrum in the corner or if they’re gleefully dancing the night away together as a family. But you know who will remember it? The guest you respectively chose not to include because you chose not to include their kids.

Anyways, thats my two cents on the matter. I’d love to hear yours! What do you think? Do you share my point of view?